Now What?

Here I am again.

It seems like lately each time I come home to Texas, it feels harder to leave. I start daydreaming, picturing what it would be like to live in the Lone Star State again. I don’t know what it is exactly; homesickness? That can’t be it; I don’t really relish the idea of moving back to The Greater Longview Area. Is New York finally starting to wear me down after eight years? Maybe; I think a girl like me can only go at break-neck speed for so long before exhaustion sets in (which, when you get down to it, is part of what happened when I crashed in ‘02). Do I just need a change in my life? Perhaps. Although I love my boss, and am so very thankful to have a job in this economy, I don’t really see myself staying in this line of work as a career for the rest of my life.

Maybe I’m just scared. Scared of being stuck in this job and getting to the point where I can’t leave; but scared, too, of leaving a great employer and a job that has provided well for me over the past three and a half years. Scared of leaving the church I love, where I’m plugged in and needed and have had a great community since 2001; but scared, too, of all the changes that keep happening there. Scared that I’m missing so much in my friends’ and family’s lives, being so far away from most of them; but scared, too, of leaving behind family and friends in New York who have become so very dear to me.

And so I begin to feel a sense of inertia, of not knowing where I’m going, of not knowing what it is God wants me to do or where He wants me to be. So what do you do when you feel stuck, trapped between the home state where you were born and raised, that you couldn’t wait to leave as soon as you turned 18; and the dazzling city that lured you and burned you, where you grew into the woman you are today, and fought to stay and maintain your independence, that now seems so far away from so much that you love? When your blogs start to be full of unanswerable questions and run-on sentences and even fragments?

 

Christmas Pun

Thank you, Anne, for your list of gifts, which  included this little treasure:

I think you already knew I was going to take it to the next level:

Quack! the Herald Angels Si-ing,
Glory to the just-hatched King!
Beaks on earth, and feathers wild,
God and swimmers reconciled . . .

Take it away, punny friends, in the comments . . .

 

Oh YES They Did

Oh, how I loved being in the N’Harmonics. I just found this on YouTube and now reeeeeeeeeally wish I’d been in the group for this song. This one’s for you, J.

 

Counting My Blessings (Again)

I heard on the radio this morning that a recent study concluded that happiness is contagious; I’ve always thought that to be true, and therefore try to spread happiness in my world by being a happy person.  I also try to count my blessings, to make an effort to focus on all that I have been given to minimize the hurt of a loss or defeat. 

So in light of the Thanksgiving season that just passed, and because it is December and I see no reason to have a blue Christmas, I thought I’d take some time here to remind myself of all the reasons I have to be grateful and joyful and content.

~  In a time when most of the nation is feeling the crunch of a downward-spiraling economic recession, I sometimes feel like I am in a “bubble” of sorts:  I have no debt (except for one school loan); no mortgage; my rent is affordable and hasn’t gone up (and my landlords are great people); my job is stable and my income is sufficient; and I have no dependants.  For this blessing, I am grateful.

~ Much of our world is at war.  I live in a nation that, although we are at war, is not under attack, or war-torn.  Relative to the rest of the world, I live in a safe, comfortable nation where I have many, many freedoms which I often take for granted.  For this blessing, I am grateful.

~ I have a church home in which I feel loved and nourished.  We may have our issues, but what family doesn’t?  For this blessing, I am grateful.

~ I have so very very many wonderful friends who love and support me.  I could go on for days about this blessing, really.  I had a friend who once bought me a winter coat when mine was stolen.  I have a friend who has started sending me a text message reminder for things she knows I’m likely to forget.  I have friends who regularly lift me up in prayer.  Friends who have helped me clean and organize.  Friends who wash my dishes (thanks, housemates!), carry heavy things for me, listen when I need to rant, advise me, hug me when I’m sad, and dance with me when I’m joyful.  For these many, many, many blessings, I am grateful.

~ I am in good health.  For this blessing, I am grateful.

~  I have a wonderful, loving, functional (really, Mom, we are! mostly…) family who supports me and cares for me, often in ways I didn’t know I needed.  This includes the greatest little sister on the face of this planet, of whom I could not be more proud.  For this blessing, I am grateful.

~  Despite my struggle with accepting it, I am still single, and yes, still thankful for it.  I say this to remind myself:  for this blessing, I am grateful.

~  I know true and amazing grace and real love.  For this blessing, I am grateful.

Can I get an Amen?

 

Update:  This is my 200th blog post.  Woo. 

 

I Used to Rock

Friends, I am SO EXCITED!  The acapella group I was in back at NYU, the N’Harmonics, is having an 11-Year Reunion Concert (if you knew the group, you’d know why it’s both hilarious and fitting that we missed the 10 year anniversary of the birth of the group).  YAY!  YAY!  And again I say, YAY!  I’ll be performing again with N’Harms past and present:  talented vocalists who founded and preceded me in the group, people I had the privilege and pleasure of rocking with, and the newest members (’cause the group rocks on!).  As usual, there will be a theme, and we’ll be doing some of my favourites!  Here’s a little taste — a recording from years ago.

Free Your Mind

It’s a live performance so it’s totally unmixed.  And yes, I’m the obnoxious “deet deet deet” voice.  I promise I won’t be so overbearing on Friday.  (Well, ok, I’ll try.)

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Broadcasting live from NAPTIME at the Milton Thanksgiving gathering, hosted this year by Alyssa.  I’m here in Austin with my parents, my mom’s mom, my sister, two of her friends, and her boyfriend, and we just had a feast:  turkey breast, cornbread dressing, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, corn casserole, collard greens, lady cream peas, deviled eggs, sister shubert rolls, and two kinds of cranberry sauce, plus sweet iced tea.  Now everybody’s curled up on sofas and inchairs, half awake, watching Miracle on 34th Street (and yes, for those of you wondering, Maureen O’Hara plays the mother role in both Miracle on 34th Street and The Parent Trap).  It has been so nice to get away from it all and just relax, slow down.  I got to go out down town (6th Street, what?!) and hang out with my sister, spend some time with the family, cook dinner last night (peanut chicken, yumm), and of course, play  a round of Scattergories (Marcus, consider yourself initiated).

What a vacation.  Trips like this always give me that “Someone remind me why I left Texas…?” feeling. 

 

Being Messy

Yep, I’m a mess.  I suppose I should be able to just admit it and put it out in the open.  I save things, I have trouble with clutter, and I’m not always organized.  I can make my house look presentable (check out the flicker photos), and there are benefits to being a string-saver.  But I just found this out there on the interwebs, which somehow makes me feel a little better:

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, what are we to think of an empty desk?”  -Attributed to Albert Einstein

I always have felt Einstein was a kindred spirit. 

 

Worth Remembering

Quite possibly the best thing I ever learned in my high school Spanish classes:

Todo el mundo sonrie en el mismo idioma.

The whole world smiles in the same language.

 

Worth Revisiting

Here’s a recipe I pulled up from my archives, back when my blog was on xanga. It’s a recipe I give out all the time and really love, so I thought I’d repost it.

This is a recipe that I love making that I found in the October 2004 issue of Everyday Food and have adapted to my tastes. It was originally scaled for one person, which is what lured me in (that and my decision to eat more fish, since it’s good for you).  I usually make enough for two, though, so that’s how I’ll post it here:

2 6 oz. skinless tilapia filets
3 sliced tomatoes (medium-sized, not beefsteak)
2 tsp. olive oil
3-4 tbsp. capers
2 tbsp. wheat germ
2 tsp. grated lemon zest (optional)
2 tsp. lemon juice
8 tsp. mayonnaise
ground black pepper
course salt

1. Preheat oven to 450°. In a small ovenproof skillet or baking dish (I use a Pyrex pie plate), arrange tomatoes in overlapping circles.  Scatter capers and lemon zest over the tomatoes.  Season with salt and pepper; drizzle with olive oil.

2. In a small bowl, stir together mayonnaise and lemon juice (you can also add a few teaspoons of parmesan, if you like).  Place fish on top of tomatoes in skillet.  Season fish with salt and pepper.  Spread mayonnaise mixture on top. Sprinkle with wheat germ.

3.Bake until fish is opaque throughout and topping is golden brown in spots, about 20 minutes.

The recipe says you can substitute snapper, grouper, or flounder (basically any firm white fish).  The original recipe called for chopped olives, but I think capers are easier and tastier.  I’ve also made this with sweetened lime juice instead of lemon, and I’ve replaced the mayo with plain yogurt and some fresh dill. Yummy yummy yummy, and of course, it’s easily doubled (which works well in a 9×13 glass casserole). I’ve served it with cheese grits casserole, or with just a simple salad.  It really has become one of my staple recipes.

Enjoy!

 

The Importance of Being Silly

Thank you, Tom and Alissa, for sharing this with me.  Kate loved it.  My boss loved it.  I laugh until my face hurts every time I watch it.