It is a beautiful, slightly overcast, unseasonably warm November
Sunday, and God is good. Being so exhausted from the day
previous, I didn’t get up on time this morning, and despite my best
efforts to get ready quickly, by the time I was ready to walk out the
door, I would have been at least 45 minutes late walking in, if not
more. So I plugged in the kettle, ran a cord from an inside
window, plugged in my laptop and made myself a nice tea outside on an
old rickety chair and card table I salvaged. Now here I sit with
my bible, sermon notes from Sundays past, and full tea service, typing
away on my laptop while Tara Leigh serenades me quietly.
Yes friends, God is good, and I am not. God is sovereign, and I
am clueless. God is mighty and powerful, and I am weak.
After the weekend spent upstate in the beauty of fall foliage and cool
crisp weather at my church retreat, I have been wrestling with the
concept of the sovereignty of God (which was the theme of the
retreat). I am merely human. I have a need for control over
my life. I have difficulty surrendering to the knowledge that He
is in charge, not I. I don’t always like this idea.
However, just because I don’t like something doesn’t make it untrue,
and God is granting me small bits of insight day by day. I loathe
pain and suffering, and I have a sense of fairness and judgement that
are clouded by my inability to comprehend the totality of God’s
creation; but God will do what God wants to do whether I like it or
not. This is a rather difficult concept to understand, but slowly
I am beginning to realize that aligning my will to His is not as easy
as I thought it might be. Praying for answers to questions like
“What do you want me to do, God?” and “Where should I go, Father?” and
the ever-popular “Why, God, WHY?!” isn’t always fruitful.
So I absolve now to try my best to increase my communication with and
study of Him, in order to be better able to use the mind and the gifts
He has given me. I want to do His Will, but I need to be focused
less on making right decisions and focus more on makind decisions in a spirit of righteousness.
Easier said than done. Old habits die hard. Heaven help me.
Yes, I just ended this post with three clichÃ©s in a row. Deal.