funnies


Manhattan was ravaged by a catastrophic flood of epic proportions. The city was almost completely submerged, which made it vulnerable to an oceanic invasion: an attack by a giant squid, red and black and bulbous, tentacles nearly as long as the Empire State Building. The few remaining survivors raced from deserted apartment to deserted apartment scavaging for something among putrid ababdoned refrigerators. Then, just as a scientist was starting to explain why we desperately needed more broccoli salad, I woke up.

I think my brain is tired.

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Thank you, Anne, for your list of gifts, which  included this little treasure:
nativity ducks

I think you already knew I was going to take it to the next level:

Quack! the Herald Angels Si-ing,
Glory to the just-hatched King!
Beaks on earth, and feathers wild,
God and swimmers reconciled . . .

Take it away, punny friends, in the comments . . .

Thank you, Tom and Alissa, for sharing this with me.  Kate loved it.  My boss loved it.  I laugh until my face hurts every time I watch it.

What I would call a hissy-fit.

Correction:  I meant to link to this one.

Just got back from another fabulous fourth — this year, I took my friend Josh home with me to good ol’ Deep East Texas for some small-town family fun.  Though he didn’t experience the same itenerary that my housemates did two years ago (which is good, ’cause I don’t know if my body could have handled another round of falling off a horse or a mechanical bull), we had a great time. 

For as long as I can remember, we’ve gathered around a game table at (my mom’s parents) Nunna & Bobby’s house to play all sorts of games as a family.  Chicken foot dominoes are a family favourite, but my personal favourite is Scattergories.  It seems to be the game that makes us laugh the most.  Classic example:  around six years ago, when Bobby was still with us, we got together down in MP for Thanksgiving.  My boyfriend at the time had joined us, and was “getting in good” with the family.  After all the extended relatives left, we sat down at the game table:  my parents, Nunna & Bobby, my sister, and me and the boy.  Now, Nunna gets a little competitive when there’s a game going on, and she is a WHIZ with words, so we were all trying to be creative in our word choice.  The category was “Things Found In the Ocean” and the letter was “A”.  Bobby said, “Arm”.  My sister, ever the contrarian, said, “Arm?! There are no arms in the ocean!” [Note:  why we didn’t argue that scuba divers have arms, I don’t know.]  Bobby said, “Uh-huh, an octopus has eight of them!” And Alyssa immediately replied, “Nuh-uh!  Octopuses have testicles!”  As if that wasn’t funny enough, it took Alyssa a few seconds to realize what she’d said, and by that time, the boy had turned two different shades of red at hearing my then-thirteen-year-old sister say “testicles”, which made Nunna laugh so hard she nearly shot milk out her nose.

Ah, good times.  So of course, this trip home, I had to pull out Scattergories.

Highlights of this weekend’s game include:

Category:  Diseases
Letter: E
Alyssa:  “Erectile Dysfunction.  It was the first thing that came to mind!”  (This is EVEN FUNNIER if you know  my sister.)

Category:  Things That Are Disposable
Letter:  G
Nunna:  “G-String”  (This one made my mother laugh until she cried.  Please note that my grandmother does not now and never has played a stringed instrument.  She wasn’t referencing instrument strings.)

Category:  Things You Carry in Your Purse/Wallet
Letter:  C
Josh:  “Condoms.”  Game stops, Nunna’s jaw drops, and she just stares at Josh.  He says, “What?  Not me!  I don’t carry them!  But some people do!”  I nearly wet my pants. 

Makes me want to go out and buy the game myself.  Anybody at a loss for what to give me today?  😉

templates

Look, Kids!  A color page!  Grab your green crayons and print this one out!  (And if you don’t have crayons, well, that’s just sad; but you can borrow mine.  I love coloring.  Really.)

I’ve been tagged again, by my blog-buddy at UnlikelyMe, for seven more random things about myself.  Yikes, if we keep going on like this, I’m going to run out of things to tell the internet.  Sheeblies.

 1.  I wear Mardi-Gras beads.  Often.  At the moment I’m wearing four different strands, all pearl-coloured.  My uncle has been going to Mardi-Gras in N’awlins for years, and has amassed thousands of beads that I inherited when he and my grandmother and I cleaned out his apartment.  When I first moved into my apartment and was totally broke, I decorated with them.

2.  I once wore a grass skirt to school.  (Junior high.  I was considered a weird kid.)

3.  Back when people still put paper bookcovers on their textbooks, I once covered an entire textbook cover in lipstick kisses and sealed them with packaging tape.

4.  I have three golden pothos ivy plants named Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  They live with me in a dark basement.  I thought they were good names for plants growing in adverse conditions.  Sometimes I talk to them, because I proved that this can help plants grow with an experiment in 7th grade involving a golden pothos ivy plant named Wilbur, who would still be with me today if my dad hadn’t accidentally composted him when we moved.

5.  I wrote a lot of dark poetry when I was in my early teens.  (Isn’t that a common angst outlet for kids coming into themselves?)

6.  I like peanut butter sandwiches with pickle.  I am not now and have never been pregnant.

7.  According to Bethany, I was apparently a cool kid in high school.  Funny how I didn’t know that.  🙂  I’m not so sure; what do you think, internets?  Was I cool?  (I’m second from the left.)

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